1 In the eighth month the messengers came unto the Crue, and said, "Hail, thou
art highly favoured, blessed art thou among con organisers."

2 But when the Crue beheld the messengers, they were greatly troubled and
perplexed about what manner of salutation this should be.

3 And the messengers said "Fear not, Crue, for thou shalt conceive and bring
forth a 'con, by name Kiwicon. It shall be great, and will reign over the
Wellington Opera House on the seventeenth and eighteenth days of November of
this year."

4 And the Crue said "How shall this be, seeing as we know not speakers?"

5 (an impudent harlot snickered "biblically, amirite", but this utterance
lowereth the solemnity of the visitation, and she was shushed sternly from the
Most High)

6 And the messengers said unto them, "Thou shalt make haste, and put out a CFP,
and the speakers will come unto thee, yea, unto the very ends of the earth they
will come."

7 And the Crue arose, cursing, and pulled out thine fingers.

8 If anyone is able to hear, let them listen, for here is wisdom. Those that
hath understanding, let them count the number of the beast; for it is the
number of the 'con: and its number is Six.

	   .                                                . 
	 .'|   .   ..      .   .   .                        |'.
	|  | .'| .'||'.  .'| .'| .'| _______  _______  __   |  |
	|  ||  ||  ||  ||  ||  ||  ||   _   ||    _  ||  |  |  |
	|     < |  ||  ||  ||  ||  ||  | |__||  _\ | ||   '.|  |
	|  ||  ||  ||          ||  ||  |____ | |___| ||  |'.   |
	|  ||__||__||  .----.  ||__||_______\|_______/|__|  |  |
	| /         |.'      '.|                             \ |
	|/                   SIX SIX SIX                      \|

9 And the Crue opened the first seal and a voice cried out like the tolling of
great bronze bells. But yet the voice spake in modern English, because we can't
keep this up, saying, "You must give a speaker slot to those who will speak of
great and wondrous things. Without these people your con will be shit, and
everyone will mutter about how much better it was last year, and lo, even the
year before that, and the year before that.  And you will know shame and hide
your faces, because they will be right."

10 The Crue obeyed, and asked the internet to ante up with the good
submissions; with wisdom and learning as of the elders of this nation, saving
those who speak like the braying of asses and cries of beasts in the

	Thy Name:
	Thy Country of Residence:
	The Title:
	The Length of Thy Parable (not a euphemism):
	The Shortened Sunday School Version, Possibly With Hand Puppets:
	Thy Ancestry:

11 Kiwicon 1 begat Kiwicon 2, which begat Kiwicon 3, which begat Kiwicon 4, and
it came to pass that Kiwicon 5 was begat from this lineage also, as the Crue
willed it, as they are somewhat slow learners.

12 This genealogy proveth that, like its antecedents, Kiwicon 6 will issue
forth in a single stream not unlike that of horses. For according to that which
thou asked asked for, the talk slots will be given.

13 Gannt charts were given by our Lord to project managers, and whilst smiting
these demons with lightning, the Crue accidentally scheduled short-form talks
of 5 minutes, which came to be know as Lightning Talks.

14 There is no foolishness in a hacker who spake only five minutes if that
hacker hath 5 minutes of content. The fool speaks for one hours length on
cyberwar, but drinketh for that day, and for the day following, and the
drooling on the person sitting next to them, of which photos were taken.

15 Verily transmitteth your response unto no later than eighth
day October, in this year of 2012.

16 On the twenty fourth day of September, the Crue will proclaim the names of
the beasts with the feet of a bear, who haveth submitted early and are
rewardeth thus with the fruit of a leopard.

17 (And lo, a digression rose from the sea with ten crowns of blasphemy, and to
that beast was given a mouth, to decry that the KJV does get a bit wack all up
in revelation, yo)

18 The Crue opened the second seal, and the internet spake, "Aren't you guys
tired of this thing yet? 'Verily transmitteth', WTF?"

19 And the Crue replied, Yea, for lo, this thee and thoust thing is confusing,
and we keep having to rewrite it, and now whilst has ceased to look like a real
word at all. And those with reading comprehension problems sang out in glorious

20 Kiwicon is not the worst computer security conference in .nz.  It's a
non-profit, non-commercial event that tries to make price no barrier to

21 As such, the speaker honourarium this year is in bogan's custom meaty
smallgoods and homebrew beer, and we certainly can't manage to fly you to .nz.
We can find you someplace to do your laundry, and probably swing a couch or two
to sleep on. If you need a less informal document to show your employer, we can
manage that too.

22 For further heretical proclamations: 

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